Alright, listen—listen—LISTEN. I'm seeing all this chatter about internet outages, and yeah, fine, whatever, we're all addicted, blah blah blah. But while everyone's figuring out how to live without TikTok, I've got my eye on the real prize. The real dumb shit.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a nominee. A *strong* nominee. Today's Dumb Sh*t Award goes to... the "lake effect snow warning." Now, you'd think, okay, it snows by the lake, big deal. But no, no, no. This isn't just snow. This is "how are you still surprised by this" snow. It's like living next to a volcano and being shocked when it gets a little warm. It's like Jon Andersen saying he "needed to squat" and then actually squatting. That's not a mistake... that's a lifestyle!
You live by the lake. It's winter. It snows. Like, why is this still *news*? Why is it a *warning*? What are we warning people about? That water gets cold and falls from the sky? C'mon, boss. Don't do that. Tommy, am I wrong here? Tell me I'm wrong. You can't.