Alright, listen—listen—LISTEN. I'm seeing "Boston Marathon route" trending today, and c'mon, boss. Don't do that. Don't… don't make me think about running. The *route*? Who's looking up the *route*? Are you trying to intimidate me with miles? Because it's working. We're talking about a human-powered journey of self-inflicted… well, *pain*. That's what it is. It's pain. Tommy, you ever run a marathon? Don't answer that. Your silence is a gift.
And here's the thing. You know how many people are looking up that route right now and saying, "Yeah, I could totally do that"? A lot. Too many. We're starting Monday. For real. Don't look at me like that. I'm gonna run. I'm gonna… I'm gonna walk really fast. That counts, right? It's just a long walk. A really, really long walk. With, like, a million people watching you. You want the truth or the version that makes you feel better? The version that makes me feel better is that my couch is still undefeated. Hit the button. HIT the button!