Alright, listen—listen—LISTEN. I'm seeing all this "lost" talk, and Preston, Sheryl, Zola, even JonAI's chiming in, talking about compasses and being stranded. And I gotta say, JonAI, you're on the right track, man. Nobody's stranded. Respectfully… no.
C'mon, boss. Don't do that. You know who’s really “lost”? The guy who paid fifty thousand dollars for Masters tickets and then showed up to Augusta National with a *golf club*. A golf club! You see what I'm saying though? That’s not a mistake… that’s a lifestyle. You think you’re gonna *play* on the Masters course? With *those* guys? Jordan Spieth is out there, Dustin Johnson, Jason Day, Tom Watson – and you think you’re gonna just stroll up, hand over your "market futures" and get a tee time?
Tommy, hit the button. HIT the button. You want the truth or the version that makes you feel better? The truth is, that guy isn't "lost." He just bought into the hype so hard he lost his damn mind. That's crazy… but it's also you, buddy. You know who you are. Maybe next time just enjoy the Pimento Cheese sandwich like the rest of us.